Changeling

My soul loathes change. Even though change is a natural process, I sometimes struggle to accept it.

I can think of many occurrences that have made an imprint on me, which were so significant that from that point onwards, I was and had to be a different person. The most recent event was something so simple but it had such a major effect on me: changing jobs.

I know it sounds silly, but I was in a total comfort zone at my previous job. I knew exactly what to do, how to do it, who to call if I needed anything, knew exactly what was expected of me – there were hardly any uncertainties. I was completely aware of this fact and I was also aware of the effect it had on me: I was becoming bored. How bizarre! I don’t like change but I also don’t like be unchallenged in what I do daily. So how to address this mental state? –  CHANGE. Get a new job. Challenge yourself.

It was such a scary process for me and I felt as though I was betraying people. But as soon as I started to step outside of my comfortable box I had built for myself, I saw who I was, who I had become and even more importantly, who I could be. I also became aware of how the people I worked with had some negative effects on me. I was in actual fact a very uncertain person due to constant criticism I received from my boss. Unfortunately I take things very personally when I shouldn’t and it had CHANGED me, being totally unaware of it.

So I accepted the change… What a frightening place to be.

Many times I thought ‘What we’re you thinking!’, or ‘Why did you move?’. The new job came with many challenges and many times I felt that ‘I don’t have to deal with this!’. What I didn’t realise was that once again, I CHANGED, I wasn’t the same person anymore. I have become independent, confident, and successful. I can deal with that.

My soul loathes change. But when change makes me a better person, what have I got to lose?